pretty amazing grace

Derf and I spent 13 hours in a bus last Wednesday. The bus took on a night trip to Sorsogon. We arrived exhausted (from lack of sleep and uncomfortable position, imagine sitting all 13 hours in the bus with only ONE stop-over in Lucena, Quezon the night before!) Our main goal is to visit my lolo who is in the hospital for the past two weeks and who no longer desires to eat food, has been sick since he had an apendicitis surgery and is now having kidney trouble and high blood pressure. That's why I decided to go home. Because I feared I will no longer be able to see him in his warm body. And because I wanted to share to him how he will be able to have eternal life.

We didn't even have a time to sleep. Right after we set foot on Sorsogon City, we went immediately to Sorsogon Provincial Hospital where he was confined. We stayed there (all of us suffering from seemingly hot and humid weather, Me, Derf, my mother, my lola and my lolo who was asleep the whole time; the only time he opened his eyes was later that afternoon, he recognized me and Derf, and I saw a tear fell). At 3:00 PM, we rode a jeepney to a 2-hour trip to my hometown, Irosin. Only to return to the hospital at 8:00 PM. We spent all night fanning my lolo because we didn't bring any electric fan with us and the electric fans we saw at Robertson's were really expensive!

The next day, March 28, 2008, we planned to go back to Irosin so Derf could visit my lolo and lola's farm where my aunt and uncle are currently piling up "ripe" coconuts for copra and so we can have a sip of fresh buko for free and as much as we want to. With all the concerns I had since the time we arrived, I even forgot this is our Monthsary! How dare me forget this day. **sighs** Anyway, after we had our breakfast (at Jollibee, hehe), we went to LCC to purchase grocery for my siblings in Irosin who are left alone because my mother is in the hospital. Thanks to my sister Vanessa, everything is going fine at our house. Eventually, we arrived at Irosin at 11:00 AM, which is already very late for a trip to salog (as we fondly call my lolo and lola's farm and is Bikol word for "river" because their farm are very near the river) that we just have to cancel that and spend the rest of the remaining hours with my siblings. At 2:30 PM we shall be going back to Manila. And so we did.

This is by far the shortest time I had in Sorsogon. I usually stay there for at least one week before I go back t Manila. But, we also have things to do in Manila that's why we can't afford to stay more than we planned to stay (even if we really wanted to, just so we can have a break from the polluted city and the stresses of work).

On the bus going to Manila, we were able to capture a few scenes we sure will miss in Sorsogon, and something which will bound us to go back over and over again. **I'll post the pics next time, I can't upload image right now.**

I am uber stressed these days. For some unknown reasons I tend to change my mood at the blink of an eye. This is not PMS (or is it). Or was it because I seem to have a lot of problems these days, and mostly, family problems. Sometimes, I do have this feeling that everytime my mother or any relative would text me, it be another cause to worry. And indeed, my guess has not failed me since. It started last year, and until now, we are still under recovery and is still striving to recover from the various "storms" (both literally and figuratively) that hit us. First, my sister was ill and have to undergo an operation, and then my brother's arms were fractured, and then my two sisters having a baby and getting married, another brother's arms fractured, my getting sick, my grandfather being rushed to the hospital, and the financial, emotional, physical crisis that went with it.

There were just so many things to think. I haven't have a peaceful sleep since last week. And if this continues, I might need the help of a sleeping pill so I could at least sleep (and not wake up every hour after I drowse off to dreamland and dream of endlessness).

Yeah, I know there's God. The source of all peace and wisdom and provisions. I know. I might have to tell myself that truth every second, every breath to continuously remind my worrying nature and my quitter brain that there is someone bigger than all these. Even though sometimes I have to hammer this promise to my head in order to really sink in. Even though it's harder to wait for the rainbow to arch its way into this stormy weather.

What an opportuned time to reflect on God's goodness demonstrated on the cross!

[1]"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father You are King over the flood,
I will be still, know You are GOD."

Please help me be still and know that You are in control Lord.

[2]Psalm 46