pretty amazing grace

temperaments have their own share of ups and downs..and right now, i just feel the "need" of being the melancholic me..i want to be alone..meditate on the things that are going on in my life..ponder upon the next steps to take..think hard on how i would be able to really enjoy every day of my life..i think i have been too pressured (stressed, even) of the situations in my family right now..there's just a lot of things going on in the office (thank God it seems to be going smoothly now) and here it is again..my sister had been on and off in the hospital because of stomach aches..now, she's in there again..but this time, they said it has something to do with her kidney..my mother did not elaborate it so i don't know exactly what's going on there..i called her the other night and she was just crying and saying she's having a hard time there..my sister is a special child..she was born premature, 7 months..and even the few weeks after my mother gave birth to her, she has been to different hospitals..she is very much vulnerable to sickness when she was a child and she has asthma..back then, i have no idea what is a special child..she was not able to learn to walk, and when she talks, she is stuttering..even now, she constantly needs attention because she can not do the things most of us can..while i was talking to my mother the other night on the phone, i can hear her heavy breaths and mumbling..it has been almost 2 years since i went back home..the last time i was there was during new year's break of 2005..these are the moments i would want to take the next bus to sorsogon and see for myself what's happening back home..but as far as i want that, i also know that i need to go to work so i will be able to help my parents in taking care of the expenses..i just hope and pray that things will soon be a-ok so i could also quiet my mind which is almost always wondering and wandering about them..the other night also, i told derf i wanter to be alone for a while..but he did not insist on that..instead he stayed by my side and let me cry..but there are still tensions that i need to pour out..more tears i want to let go..and i think, i just think, that i could do that in solitude..only me..and God...

I planned this day to be full of things to take care of because I really need to apply for clearance, transcript and get my diploma in the university registrar. But instead of this, I am here, blogging, surfing the net, out of the office and at somebody else's home. What happened was that the offices has been canceled for the rest of the day because of the typhoon Egay.

I thank God that even though I wasn't able to do the things I planned to do, I have time to rest as well.. I've been really stressed the past months and there hasn't been enough time to rest. Although I sleep every night, there's always the thought that tomorrow I will be waking up early again because I have to prepare myself for another workday. So this is really a long weekend for me. Friday to Monday since Monday is a holiday and the Madam President declared no office and no school. I just hope that I can really use this time to refresh and replenish whatever I've overused the past months of my life.

Actually, I'm still thinking how to spend my long weekend in a way that I would really be nourished when Tuesday comes. Hmm... I was hoping ideas would pop-up in my head before it's too late so there's also time for preparation and all (if necessary). I thought of going to Sorsogon but I guess this is not a good time for that, anyway, my mother is supposed to come here hopefully next week for her check-up and medications. So that option has already been dealt with. I'll just wait for my mother here. And go to the province this Christmas? No accurate plans yet, but I know I will be in my hometown this Christmas break, because I wasn't able to go last year.

I've been listening to alternatives right now. Kind of Coldplay, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sting, even Bob Marley, U2 and Eraserheads. Derf is sleeping and this is his lullabye, so I guess I have no choice but to play it, and I'm kinda liking it anyways. Perks up my mood. So much for a lullabye. We're here at Ate Flor's. The original plan is to just leave here the laptop and some of out things and then go to the registrar. But (thank God I called first) I was told that classes (and offices) has already been suspended. So we just stayed here. Me doing the one thing I love, blogging and well surfing the net, and him, sleeping. Shhh... And Vangie sipping a cup of coffee.. Very enticing. Maybe later, I'll make myself a cup. Great, so now I can't seem to last the day without a cup of coffee? Tsk, tsk... It's becoming a habit now. But they say coffee is good. On moderation. Is one cup a day still on moderation? I think so, I hope so.

Anyway, it's now time to play SIMS.. Haha!

"did you ever knew, that I had mine on you..."

Source: www.youtube.com

Sometimes, we really come to a point in life where God lay down several difficult choices so we will learn not to lean on our own wisdom, not on our own knowledge, but to fully trust Him, and to depend on Him...

I don't know what to think right now... I don't know what I'm feeling... It's just so unclear... Things had been very much blurred to me these days... I know I need to decide on things soon but I'm afraid of what it would do to me so I constantly procrastinate my decisions... And so, until now, I'm still being bothered by these things I need to ponder upon.! I don't know what to do? Still the same question, over and over again...

God, please show me the way...Right now, I can really say, "I am standing on Your grace, and Your grace alone!"

Thank you www.the-infinite.org

A rise in the temperature of the body; frequently a symptom of infection.

Synonyms: febricity, febrility, feverishness, pyrexia

I've been very upset and stressed by what is going on in the office lately. I am very much troubled because I felt that these things concern me a lot as well as my performance and much more, my relationship with them. Of course, I really want to be in good terms with everybody, on the contrary, that is not the case.

I felt that everything I do right now is being judged as to whether it is in favor or against someone. The more I wanted to, as much as possible, please them, the more my actions are being used against me. Help! What should I do?

These are the times when I really wanted to escape these harsh realities of life and return to solitude. I have been thinking about these a couple of times now. And I felt that I really should think about it and pray about it really, really well. I don't know if this really is part of my escaping, but I believe my relationship with my co-workers matters a lot with my performance at work, especially when the projects I am handling needs to be constantly discussed with these people. So I am really having a hard time thinking and deciding whether I pursue leaving this or just face them all. Of course, facing them is one thing I am struggling about and my best option (or shall I say, escape) thus far is really to get out of here and go to somewhere else. But where is somewhere else? *temperature rising*