pretty amazing grace

Derf and I spent 13 hours in a bus last Wednesday. The bus took on a night trip to Sorsogon. We arrived exhausted (from lack of sleep and uncomfortable position, imagine sitting all 13 hours in the bus with only ONE stop-over in Lucena, Quezon the night before!) Our main goal is to visit my lolo who is in the hospital for the past two weeks and who no longer desires to eat food, has been sick since he had an apendicitis surgery and is now having kidney trouble and high blood pressure. That's why I decided to go home. Because I feared I will no longer be able to see him in his warm body. And because I wanted to share to him how he will be able to have eternal life.

We didn't even have a time to sleep. Right after we set foot on Sorsogon City, we went immediately to Sorsogon Provincial Hospital where he was confined. We stayed there (all of us suffering from seemingly hot and humid weather, Me, Derf, my mother, my lola and my lolo who was asleep the whole time; the only time he opened his eyes was later that afternoon, he recognized me and Derf, and I saw a tear fell). At 3:00 PM, we rode a jeepney to a 2-hour trip to my hometown, Irosin. Only to return to the hospital at 8:00 PM. We spent all night fanning my lolo because we didn't bring any electric fan with us and the electric fans we saw at Robertson's were really expensive!

The next day, March 28, 2008, we planned to go back to Irosin so Derf could visit my lolo and lola's farm where my aunt and uncle are currently piling up "ripe" coconuts for copra and so we can have a sip of fresh buko for free and as much as we want to. With all the concerns I had since the time we arrived, I even forgot this is our Monthsary! How dare me forget this day. **sighs** Anyway, after we had our breakfast (at Jollibee, hehe), we went to LCC to purchase grocery for my siblings in Irosin who are left alone because my mother is in the hospital. Thanks to my sister Vanessa, everything is going fine at our house. Eventually, we arrived at Irosin at 11:00 AM, which is already very late for a trip to salog (as we fondly call my lolo and lola's farm and is Bikol word for "river" because their farm are very near the river) that we just have to cancel that and spend the rest of the remaining hours with my siblings. At 2:30 PM we shall be going back to Manila. And so we did.

This is by far the shortest time I had in Sorsogon. I usually stay there for at least one week before I go back t Manila. But, we also have things to do in Manila that's why we can't afford to stay more than we planned to stay (even if we really wanted to, just so we can have a break from the polluted city and the stresses of work).

On the bus going to Manila, we were able to capture a few scenes we sure will miss in Sorsogon, and something which will bound us to go back over and over again. **I'll post the pics next time, I can't upload image right now.**

I am uber stressed these days. For some unknown reasons I tend to change my mood at the blink of an eye. This is not PMS (or is it). Or was it because I seem to have a lot of problems these days, and mostly, family problems. Sometimes, I do have this feeling that everytime my mother or any relative would text me, it be another cause to worry. And indeed, my guess has not failed me since. It started last year, and until now, we are still under recovery and is still striving to recover from the various "storms" (both literally and figuratively) that hit us. First, my sister was ill and have to undergo an operation, and then my brother's arms were fractured, and then my two sisters having a baby and getting married, another brother's arms fractured, my getting sick, my grandfather being rushed to the hospital, and the financial, emotional, physical crisis that went with it.

There were just so many things to think. I haven't have a peaceful sleep since last week. And if this continues, I might need the help of a sleeping pill so I could at least sleep (and not wake up every hour after I drowse off to dreamland and dream of endlessness).

Yeah, I know there's God. The source of all peace and wisdom and provisions. I know. I might have to tell myself that truth every second, every breath to continuously remind my worrying nature and my quitter brain that there is someone bigger than all these. Even though sometimes I have to hammer this promise to my head in order to really sink in. Even though it's harder to wait for the rainbow to arch its way into this stormy weather.

What an opportuned time to reflect on God's goodness demonstrated on the cross!

[1]"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father You are King over the flood,
I will be still, know You are GOD."

Please help me be still and know that You are in control Lord.

[2]Psalm 46

Mr. and Mrs. Nuñez

My fourth sister, Novie, and her husband Erwin in their wedding last March 8, 2008!

Arnel and Jenny

My third sister, Jenny, and her husband Arnel in their wedding last December 26, 2007 (not the date indicated on the picture, hehe)!

First Apo!

And....
Introducing...
For the first time ever...

My sister Jenny's very beautiful baby (yet to be named)...
Born on March 7, 2008, 10:00 PM...
My parents' first apo...
And my grandparents first apo sa tuhod!...
Lovely! Lovely!

Courtesy of Janna's fairytale...

Well, well... Tonight's the night... I'm equally excited to learn who's gonna be in the top 12!... But before anything else, I would like to share my very own (subjected and biased) top 12... Hehehe

BOYS:

• David Archuleta: he has been very consistent with his performances...
  
• Jason Castro: though he had "bad" times, he's very talented, he deserves this spot...
  
• David Cook: also one of the very consistent performers...and very good...
  
• David Hernandez: only started to notice him later in the competition, but he have to make it this far, he's very good...
  
• Michael Johns: i think he already has made a couple of followers already with his unique personality/style...
  
• Chikezie: i think it will be a tough choice between Chikezie and Danny Noriega...although, it COULD be Chi's win...*sighs* i don't know...i'm just guessing anyway...

  
  

GIRLS:

• Carly Smithson: she's definitely gonna be in!
  
• Brooke White: her signature sweet and innocent performances can make her through...very consistent also...
  
• Kristy Lee Cook: she's just starting to make her personality shine but she's got a lot more to show...
  
• Ramiel Malubay: she'd had "average" performances lately compared to her "very high notes and big vocals" before, but she'll be in and will prove to be something more...
  
• Amanda Overmyers: she's also very consistent in all her performances...and she's Simon's choice for last night...she have to be in the top 12!...
  
• Asia'h Epperson: i'm having a tough decision between Asiah and Syesha though...i'm not so sure with this, but i like Asia'h more than Syesha...
  

I so regret having to miss Kady Malloy...But i think if ever she wont be able to make it to the top 12, she'll have a lot of chance to make it big some time later...She could be the next Broadway star...Her "so theatrical" performances has been very evident...But her performances for the last week has rather been weak...

That's it folks! Let's see if my "bets" will make it to tonight's announcement of the top 12... Or if there be more surprises! *winks*

another sister will get married this saturday...sometimes, i admire them for their courage to do that...hindi ko din naman sila masisisi, alam ko naman din na there is a higher factor in their decision to get married, that is, to be able to somehow, make something for their babies...well, they have something more than getting married...
they say marriage is one of the biggest event in someone's life...that's why it's so important...but nowadays, when the age of people getting married is getting younger and younger (my two sisters were 18 and 19), i wonder if this very hifalutin view of marriage change a bit...

did it lose its wonders...did it diminished in importance...

we all know about the first marriage literally made in heaven...that of adam and eve...on the garden of eden...now, that's something...surreal...classic...

i believe the concept of marriage somehow did decreased in quality, in state, and people's viewpoint...

i believe that what used to be very sacred and superb then is becoming very practical and very ordinary nowadays...the overwhelming number of people getting involved in premarital sex and especially those who get pregnant at an early age (teens, that is) seem to indirectly states the current trend when it comes to this thing called marriage...although, there are those who say that people are becoming more mature these days (that say they want to get married at a later age, 25 and up), i think this is just a minority compared to those get married (either willingly or because of circumstances) at an early age...

why am i bothering these things anyway...maybe because i'm still pondering upon the thoughts two of my younger sisters are already married (two this coming saturday)...and because i just feel like talking about it...and because our topic last teaching session at dcbc was about marriage, divorce and remarriage...some biblical perspectives on these three...

someday soon, i too could well be getting married also...might as well, think about these now, than later on...
but i do hope that my sisters' marriage will be successful...my parents' are...i think...well, they're still together now...i'm one of those gifted people who were raised in a complete family...although, my father have to work far from us so he could sustain his growing family...i still think we were a happy, complete family...of course there are several things that was taken for granted, because we are a biiggg family...so not all of us one way or the other were satisfied on how it was done...but that's another story...i still think that God has been very kind to us by making our family intact amidst several other concerns...

so i cannot really relate to those who came from a broken family...but i've have glimpses of how it is...hard and emotionally heartbreaking and physically tiring and spiritually trying and all sorts of things...though i cannot really sympathize in a way of putting myself in their shoes because i did not experience that...i can always say i sympathize with them but not to that extent though of putting myself in their shoes...it's harder to put yourself in somebody else's shoes: knowing, feeling the same way...

i'm just thinking...i hope my sisters' marriage will be equally successful as my parents...at least successful in a way that they will still be together even after nearly 25 years of marriage...and i also can hope that my own marriage someday will be like that and even more...

One of the reasons why I wanna quit this job is not because I'm having a hard time keeping up, but because there has been a number of ill feelings regarding this job that I try very hard to hide.

There has been a number things I've expected that has not been met, and until now, whenever I think about it, my ill feeling keeps on coming back. I applied for a support specialist position, and that is where they hired me. Unfortunately, things had not been properly coordinated with the human resources department that I ended up not getting the position I applied for with a much lower position, and eventually, with a lower salary compared to my contemporary. Really, I don't mind starting in a lower position. It's just that, they should have told me in the first place about it. So I wouldn't expect greater than what they told me I would get. I only learned about these things actually when I was actually already working. But I only kept quiet. Because I thought there's nothing else I can do about it. But eventually, I started to speak up and relayed my situation to the authority. But unfortunately again, even after 4 times renewal of contract, and for almost a year now, my position, nor my salary did not change. And I am still holding back these feelings, and trying to keep them on my own. Although I wanted to bad to act something about it because they are being unfair to me, my previous actions did not earn me anything anyway, and so I stopped saying anything, only harboring more ill feelings. From time to time, every pay day that is, when I am reminded of this "injustice" that I felt they have incurred to me, this feeling grows even bigger. And the desire to get out of this place grows stronger also. Although, I don't know if my efforts have not been strong enough or if God is really making me stay in this place. Because until now, I still have nowhere else to go, and so I have to stay here, until I finally find a new place to start things again.

Now that I am seriously considering settling down anytime soon, the more I have this feeling to get out of this place to somewhere far better. Although I don't know yet where that far better is. Because as of this very moment, I don't think I can go on living like this for the rest of this contract.

I just hope that things will really work out for me in my attempts to seek for new and bigger things outside the four corners of this office.

I have a new project. This'll probably be the biggest project I will ever make thus far. This'll affect not only my entire career, but in my entire life as well. Proposed implementation will be 9 months from now.