pretty amazing grace

What I will remember most from my Papay Nongnong was his independence. He's the second in 4 siblings, my mother being the eldest. I don't know if he's been in any place aside from Bicol. I think from the family, he's the one who has never been to Manila. He enjoys being in the field, being in the salog, might be because it's more comfortable to be near nature. A very hard-working man. He has been Papang and Mamang's constant help in the affairs of the coprahan and abaca. When I was in high school, he would help in the setting-up of the sound system whenever there are barayle in our barangay, and even in other barangays, as he is a staff of Munoy Narcing's lights and sounds. He would come home very early in the mornings (already) during these times. These rakets was aside from helping in the coprahan. He was the one who took charge of Papang and Mamang's house in the salog when Papang had to be in the hospital a lot of times, especially when he had an operation for appendicitis. That was when Papay Ahmel was still in Saudi and Mamay Ely was in Manila working. *sighs*

2008. For a span of 10 months, we've already had 2 births -- Arjhen (Jenny and Arnel's) and John Luis (Novie and Erwin's) -- and 2 deaths -- Papang and Papay Nongnong. How ironic. But I guess that is how life really goes. May nawawala at may dumarating. And death is one of the surest thing in this world. Eventually, we all will die. I was just saddened by the fact that I was not able to convey the message of salvation to both my Papang and my Papay Nongnong (and especially to Papay Nongnong, as I am not that close to him and I'm here in Manila during the times he's in the hospital). When Papang was in the hospital, I was able to visit him. And in a way, ministered to him. We prayed for him. It really pains me to see them all going and me, still waiting for the right time. When is the right time? What if something happened to all of them? The past months, there has been constant earthquake in Patag, and I don't know where this is coming from. It breaks my heart to see my family going through all these and I'm still covered in my shell for fear of rejection and persecution.

This morning, out of nowhere, while walking to the office, I was singing Paglisan. The lyrics just pierced through me.

Kung ang buhay ay isang umagang nakangiti
At ikaw ay ang lupang sinusuyo ng bituin
Di mo man silip ang langit
Di mo man silip ito'y nandirito pa rin
Kung ang lahat ay may katapusan
Itong paglalakbay ay makakarating din sa paroroonan
At sa `yong paglisan Ang tanging pabaon ko
Ay pag-ibig
Hmmm

Sa pagbuhos ng ulan Sa haplos ng hangin
Alaala mo ay nakaukit sa pisngi ng langit
Di man umihip ang hangin ahhh
Di man umihip ika'y nandirito pa rin
Kung ang lahat ay may katapusan
Itong paglalakbay ay makakarating din sa paroroonan
At sa `yong paglisan Ang tanging pabaon ko
Ay pag-ibig
Ay pag-ibig
Ay pag-ibig
Ooh ooh ooh ooh**

Maybe, I was just in the mood for mourning. As was the weather (it was raining when the sun should have been). I'm even wearing all black, I just realized. A lot of things are really happening already. And maybe, this is a wake-up call. And I really have to do something about it. If only all this will be gone after I cried. Then it would be very easy. And life, is not easy.

** Paglisan. Color it Red. Lyrics Download.