pretty amazing grace

Everyone seems so lazy that morning in the office. M asked me if I know about a certain Dear Paul by Barbie's Cradle. I said yes, and sent to her a line or two from that song (using TNote*).. And so this conversation starts...


S: "don't you know, eleven years is a long time, to break a heart. Eleven years is long enough, to make agirl insane.. you make a girl insane Paul.. you make a girl insane.."

M: so just what are you trying to insinuate?

S: hehe.. nothing.. funny just how a line or two can make you think sometimes.. hahaha!

M: funny just how a line or two can make me fall in a deep nostalgic thoughts....sigh! DARN!!!!

S: oh so true! funny indeed! hahaha!

M: oh my dear friend, yesterday we were just trying to decipher the mysteries, nay, funny behaviour of the male species...we were quite enganged into an intellectual conversation....But now, it's as if the godess of love has just showered her gift of bitter love, thence, making us fuss over a song quite apt for hopeless romantic damsel whose love has long been gone......(hahaha! kakabasa ng romance pocketbook)

S: how deep the thoughts.. how lonely a song can get.. *sighs* i believe, we should get past this abstruse longing for love of long ago dreaming.. (shocks! it's so hard.. hirap mag -english.. haha!) can't find the words to say..

M: indeed, for one's mind can only fathom so much and then wonder forever! (MY GOSH BAKIT NGAYON LANG KASI DUMATING TO>>NASIRA TULOY MOMENTUM KO....IN fairness nakakaaliw. dugtungan mo pa para gumaling tayo sa english)

S: and wander it goes.. just like the song.. while playing, so the memories come.. but as it ends, even the memories can not bring to an end the longing for a heart that has been captured by some mysterious power that has caused the mind to go on wandering.. and dreaming.. until more and more, we reach into a sight of things that should have been there; although in reality, nothingness..

M: Madam...i suggest that we halt for a while....to make way for some more things to be accomplished, perhaps like filling our stomach...for our mind cannot make such an inteelectual conversation if our stomach are indeed lack of nourishment...

*break*

S: "We can try to forget tomorrow, or make it last forever.." As the dawn of the new beginning arises, there is no assurance that old memories will no longer haunt you.. For just as the songs of the yesterdays keeps on coming back, so too these reminders of the past even if they are kept in the deepest parts of our being.. Until someone might once again bring back the feelings you've been wanting to let go since that beginning..

M: you speak your mind with so much eloquence it's as if you have been dugged from the deepest of your emotions all these melancholic thoughts...much to my surprise. i wonder have you gone through with the very same experience as mine? have, somewhere in the past, you lost someone so dear to you, dearly enough to make you decide nirvana is where you want to be with him?

S: Nay, my friend. Although sometimes, the language of the song makes you feel as if you have been through all this, and makes you feel so vulnerable to these kind of emotions of the heart. Although, I should say, never had I been like you, and what you might be feeling right now I may not have gone through.. I may have experienced a longing as such but feeling seemed to have left me the day I realized that there's another mystery unfolding right before my eyes.. And this mystery I now am part of has taught me to put back things of the past and instead long forward, even unto the uncertainties of the time yet to come...

M: I'm glad, very glad indeed, that the "mystery", which you have just referred to, has given you the eagerness to face each morning with so much vigor, and pleasure and hope....How I wish I may be able to have a taste...even for a while (or perhaps forever) of such sweet thing..or should I say..love...for I know it is the feeling of being in love that shall steal me from this misery, which from such a long time now shattering me into pieces. I confess, it still breaks my fragile heart even though 11 sweet years of agony had already dawned on me. Too bad, that it is still him who owns me... albeit I'm quite missing the feeling of not being able to calm myself because of a new welcoming feeling is tickling my heart.....

S: A new welcoming feeling, may I ask? For we are not to live in the past, as is your wish to free yourself from this bondage, I pray also that in a perfect time, this new welcoming feeling would reveal to you the depth of a new life that is wanting to grow more and more each day. The feeling that something that precious shoudl be nourished each day with all the care, all the joy, all the wonder of this life. Alas, it is with such great sorrow that we sometimes have to let go of our longing for the past in order for us to fully experience this new welcoming feeling..

M: May I let myself clear, the "new welcoming feeling"....well...perhaps I am elaborating much when I want to mean love as something refreshing yet such a nuisance to my sane mind and sober heart....my sincerest apology. At the same time, I am deeply touched by your concern for my feelings....I am very much grateful...please receive my hugs and kisses, which I sealed with this note, as my way of expressing how thankful I am. And yes, I, myself pray to the ONE who knows more than we do that in due time, true love will unmasked itself to make me forget of that most lamentable yet sweetest piece of my past...If only I could drag the time so quickly for that much awaited moment

S: Waiting is as much painful as letting go is. For who would enjoy waiting, not knowing if something such lovely a gift as genuine love would come our way and if indeed that love would stay with us for the rest of our life. Who knows when a butterfly will fly unto our open hands? Who knows how long will that butterfly will stay in our hands? Or if it will go, when? How could we make it stay? See how this deep emotions have brought us into this conversation. What more if that reality of love has dawned to us face to us..

M: I so much agree with you. Nevertheless, I am quite happy and contended of having the liberty of living my life according to my own will as of the moment thus I'm in no haste to chase a butterfly..what only bothers me is that I am not quite sure yet of how to free myself from the cold prison walls of the past....If only I knew how then I could be freed from my misery and be totally gay. You see the memories of that knight-in-shining-armor-turned-ogre still haunt me.....I want the remedy much in a hurry so that I won't waste too much time denying myself of true happiness, There's more to life than the foolish thoughts of him, I know....Life is too short to live it just for him. Hush!

How I wish we could engage in this conversation much longer...however, there are other things that need attention. In as much as I want to discuss with you anything under the good 'ol sun, I am afraid, this has to cease.....but not for long..For tomorrow is yet another day of sweet talk...a day to demystify the beauty of being alive.
Thank you for such a wonderful day...Until then...Ciao!

S: Thank you for your kind words and honesty. It has indeed been a time! Until then..


Special Mention:
Dear Paul by Barbie's Cradle
Come A Little Bit Closer by Brandy


* TNOTE (TM) or TurboNote is a handy little program for Windows 95 or later that lets you "stick" notes to your screen and send them to others. Use them for reminders, for messages, for telephone notes, to-do lists, Web and email addresses, office memos or anything else that occurs to you. For more information, visit http://TurboNote.com